He wished for one night of peace. One night where he wouldn't be plagued by memories which haunted him to this day. Why couldn't he forget? He almost became afraid of sleep. Too worried to see what he saw every other night, he would force himself to stay awake. He would pretend, like he pretended with everything else. He was sick of pretending, but it had to be done. He wondered if someday he would be free of these troubles and live a normal life. A life in which he would finally be needed, finally feel loved.
Tonight was no different. He was hit with the same memories as all the other nights. He didn't dream, he remembered. How he longed to forget. He would tear away at his mind if it would get rid of these memories, if only for one night. He wondered, often, if he would ever sleep for more than an hour without being woken up, only to spend another hour trying to regain that move less state. How odd, his life being his curse.
**
It rained exceptionally hard that night. Not a soul lay foot in the cold streets of London. Windows from homes lit the dark streets, though not enough to stop the nightly rapes and murders that diseased the streets. Those who dared go out at night were stupid, or just wanted to die. There was no pity for those who died each night. It was their own fault, wasn't it?
He had gone out. Though he knew how to defend himself. He being Seth's father. Seth never called him Daddy, or Dad or Father. He was always he or him. And he would risk anything for a bottle of liquor, even if it meant risking his life. It's a pity he did know how to defend himself. Maybe if he had died one of those nights everything would be okay.
Seth merely sat in the living room, playing with what few toys he had. The toys he did have were broken though. His mother, who he'd always go to for anything, stayed in the kitchen doing something that was probably ordered by Seth's father. She was a broken woman, but always acted strong around Seth. Maybe that's why he’s lasted as long as he has. Seth, even at the age of seven would pray his father not return. That would make him happy, as well as his mother.
He did return that night though, to Seth's disappointment. He was still drunk from before and now would only drink more. He sat down on the couch, as if he had never moved. Seth’s mother walked in shortly after, placing Seth in her arms and putting him in his room. She stroked his hair with her hand and planted a kiss on his forehead, then left the room and went back into the living room.
Seth heard his mother say something, but he was too far away to hear what she said. His father responded, his voice growing high. Seth knew what to expect so he crawled his way into a corner in his bedroom. His parents were going to fight once again, he could tell. His mother told him to find a corner in his room and sit there until the shouting stopped. She only wanted to protect him. Seth heard them both now, he can hear some of what they were saying.
“Your useless! Nothing but a stupid bitch who can’t do a fucking thing!” Seth covered his ears. He was use to it by now, but he didn’t like hearing it. Seth heard his mother scream and then heard a loud thud, then a smack. His mother screamed once again as she feel to the floor. Her face stared into Seth’s room, right at Seth. They were in the hallway now, fighting. Seth covered his eyes and pushed himself into the corner what little more he could. His father picked his mother up and pushed her into the wall, Seth could see everything.
“No! Stop it! Not in front of Seth!” Those were her last words as she attempted to close Seth’s bedroom door but failed as she was slammed into the wall once more, this time she fell but didn’t get back up. There was blood on the wall where she hit her head, Seth’s father ignored it and her and merely walked off.
Seth heard the door slam and decided he would go and see if his mother was okay. He shook her but she never responded. He kept trying, but she was gone. He didn’t give up for several more hours until he finally cried himself to sleep right next to her. His father didn’t come back for a few days, but once he did Seth’s life only got worse.
**
It was raining, again. Ever since everything turned to dark London seemed to become even more dreary then it was before. Seth hid in the shadows of an ally way, watching a man who stood only two feet away from him talk to a woman. The woman herself was very beautiful, but that wasn’t why Seth was here. He was there to steal the man’s wallet. Seth was fifteen now and already dragged into a life of crime.
He was running out of time, the conversation wouldn’t last forever. He would need to be very careful if he wanted the wallet. To make things worse, getting it without the woman noticing it would be especially difficult. Seth breathed in deeply then he went for it, slowly putting his hand into the man’s pocket and pulling out the wallet. He got it and smiled to himself feeling a bit of pride in being successful. His feeling faded away when he saw a shadow form on the ground below him. He looked up to see the man standing over him with a look that was anything but happy. Seth smiled at him and then crawled under the man running once he got behind him.
Seth was small so maneuvering around the tiny street would be easy. The man however was far too old to catch up with Seth but he remained on his trail, persistent in getting his wallet back. Seth took a short cut into an even skinnier ally way. The man finally reached the ally way but stopped as he looked down it. He saw Seth quite a ways away, jumping over garbage cans and dodging boxes. The man could never get through that mess without taking it slow so he kicked the side of a building a fit of anger and gave up.
Seth looked behind him, seeing the man was nowhere in site. He smiled then continued along his way. He stopped in front of a large run down building and opened the wallet. He kicked the side of the building when he realized only a measly twenty bucks rested within. He pocketed the wallet then crawled through a hole in the side off the building.
“Greg Isn’t going to be happy with me...” Was all he muttered as he entered the building.
He walked along the cold bare less floor passing by several sleeping people. All these people “worked” for Greg. At least that’s what Seth thought. Each one of them got food and a place to sleep as long as they went out and got money for Greg. That was how it was for Seth anyway, and he was always told that’s how it was for everyone else.
Seth stepped over as well as on several people along the way. The floor was littered with sleeping drunks and trash. Seth despised it but he had no other choice but to live here, he had nowhere else to go. If anything he should worshipping the ground Greg walked on for taking him in. Though sometimes he wished he’d be taken out.
He finally reached a room in the back of the first floor of the building. It was the only decent looking room. But of course the leader of… the gang, if you could call it a gang, would get the room. Greg was in the back drinking and talking to some girls. Seth threw the wallet on the couch and looked down to Greg.
“Ah, what do we got here?” Greg asked, examining the wallet. He opened it up and looked in, then huffed and threw the wallet to the ground.
“Your gonna have to start doin’ better then that if you wanna stay here kid.” Greg said, then picked his drink up again and focused his attention on the girls once more.
“I’m sorry Greg…I thought there would be more, the guy looked like he had some money. I’ll try to do better next time…” Seth looked down, acting like he was ashamed. If he acted like he was sincere people usually took pity on him.
“Yeah, well ya better do better next time or there ain’t gonna be a next time. Now get the hell outta here.” Greg flapped his hand telling Seth to get out.
Seth walked out of the “office” and into the large room where everyone else was forced to stay in. He walked over to his bed, or whatever you want to call it since it wasn’t really much of a bed, and sat down. He pulled a picture out of his coat pocket and stared at it for awhile. It was a picture of his mother, one he’d managed to keep with him for all this time. It was his favorite picture of her. In this picture she wasn’t bruised or sad, she was genuinely happy. That was why Seth liked it so much.
Seth stuffed the picture into his coat pocket quickly when he heard footsteps outside. No one else heard them because everyone else was either sleeping or too drunk to care. He jumped to his feet and quickly walked over to the opening in the wall. He made sure not to step on anyone, though that was a hard something to achieve. He made it though, with little disturbance.
Seth stood still for a moment, listening to the steps. He decided to take a look, so he stuck his head out and looked to the left, nothing. As he attempted to look to the right someone grabbed the collar of his coat and dragged him out of the hole, throwing him into the opposite wall. He rubbed the back of his head then looked up only to realize it was the same woman he saw talking to the man he robbed.
“Ah, there you are.” She had an accent, a British one of course. Seth found it intriguing, if not sexy.
“You stole a wallet from one of my….Clients. I’ll need it back. It’s not like there was much in it, so just hand it over so I can move along.” She looked straight into Seth’s eyes and held out her hand.
“I don’t have it.” Seth said, looking away from her glare.
“Oh please. I saw you take it and I tracked you down. Now hand it over.” She was getting more demanding now, but Seth kept clam.
“I said I don’t have it! Now let me go!” He shouted and tried to pull away from her but she had a firm grasp on him. He hoped someone would come to his aid if he shouted, but of course no one did.
“I won’t let you go, not until you give me the wallet, or tell me who has it.” Seth knew she was serious. He couldn’t tell her Greg had it or Greg would kill him, she wouldn’t have to. Maybe it was best he died, he was worthless to the world anyway. Seth remained silent, his face pointing away from hers the entire time.
“I get it. You can’t tell me who has it because they’ll hurt you. No worries dear, when I’m done with them they won’t hurt you.” She then pulled a gun from inside her coat and showed it to Seth. He got the picture. Maybe he’d be okay after all. He didn’t really care if she killed Greg, he hated Greg anyway.
“How do you know I don’t have it?” Seth asked. He was a bit surprised she stopped believing he had it.
“Because, you would have given it to me by now. Now, lead the way.” She motioned her gun in a forward movement telling Seth to go in front.
He nodded and hoped back through the hole in wall. The woman followed behind. She was a bit shocked at the amount of people in the room but paid no attention and just focused on Seth who was forming quite a distance in-between him and her.
She finally caught up, seeing Seth standing next to a closed door. She walked up to it and put her hand on the handle, holding her gun up she opened the door and walked in. Greg turned around and saw her, immediately standing up and reaching for his gun. The woman put a bullet in his head and reached down picking the wallet up off the floor. The two women in the room screamed and looked at Greg’s dead body which was pouring out an ample amount of blood onto the floor. The two girls then looked over and saw Seth, they gave him a dirty a look then got up and slammed the door once the woman was out.
The woman looked down to Seth and put her gun back in her coat. The people in the room were still sleeping. At this point the woman didn’t know if they were dead or just so drunk they were almost dead.
“There’s the wallet. You’d better get out of here before they kill you.” Seth said as he sat down next to the door. The woman arched an eyebrow and looked down at him.
“What’s to happen to you?” She asked.
“They’ll kill me.” Was Seth’s response. He said it like it didn’t bother him. The woman sighed and grabbed his collar, forcing him to stand up.
“Lets go kid. Your not staying here. I was going to take you with me anyway after I saw where you lived…With all these people. You’ll be better off with me. Come on.”
Seth followed behind her quickly. They both crawled out of the building through the hole and continued walking through the ally way. Seth was kind of glad she took him out of that place. He knew he was useless to the world but he still wanted to live for a little while longer.
“Well, I’ll need your name. I’m a bit tired of calling you kid.” She said, looking down at him.
“Seth. And yours?”
“Lydia.”
“So, Seth. How’d you end up there? Where’s your family?” Lydia asked.
“It’s a long story.” Seth said back, wishing not to dwell on his past.
“We have time. We have plenty of time.”
**
Seth was twenty three now. He was filled with many skills thanks to Lydia. She had given him so much. He could never properly thank her. He fell in love with her, but she refused him in any attempts at a relationship. He was content still, even if he couldn’t be with her on that level.
He stared at a dimly lit house across the street. It was a cold night, but his anger kept him warm. He was staring at his house. The house he left so many years ago. He knew that his father still lived there and now it was time to finally get revenge.
He walked up to the door of the house. He didn’t bother to knock, his father always forgot to lock it. And if he was still the same today then he forgot to lock it again. Seth placed a hand on the door knob and turned it. He was right, it wasn’t locked. Seth thrust himself into the room. He stared down at the couch where his father sat, asleep. Seth pulled his gun out and shot a round into his father’s leg. That woke him up. He screamed in pain and looked up to see Seth.
“Seth!? You little bastard! What the fuck are you doing! Get the fuck outta here you piece a shit!” His father’s speech was slurred, a sign that he had been drinking.
Seth smiled and lifted his father up, spinning him around and throwing him into the wall.
“Now you know how Mom felt. You’re the piece of shit! Now your going to die.”
Seth threw his father’s head into the wall a few times, to the point where it began to draw blood. He wanted his father to feel pain so he spun him around once more and dislocated his neck, then let him drop to the floor.
“Any last words, dad?” Seth said, his face void of any emotion.
“Go…To….Hell.”
Those were his last words as Seth planted a round into his head. The blood trickled down to the floor, forming a tiny pool. Seth would get away with this easily, if anything people would thank him for killing his father. His father was an annoyance to people all around the place.
Seth closed the door behind him, taking a final look back. He walked back into the night as if he was never there. Lydia and him didn’t live too far away so it would be a short walk.
He finally reached the apartment him a Lydia shared. The door to the stairwell was, of course, open. It was broken and no one ever fixed it. The super intendant would much rather put his tenants in danger then fix things it seemed. Seth walked up the stairs, making sure his weapon was concealed. Parents around here didn’t seem to care if their kids ran around un supervised, so Seth made sure they didn’t see his gun.
When he reached the top of the stairs he narrowed his eyes on the door to the apartment. It was open, and it wasn’t like Lydia to leave such a thing open. They were always keen on keeping the door closed and locked. Seth didn’t like the look of this so he rushed inside and to his horror he saw Lydia sprawled out on the floor in a pool of her own blood.
Seth began breathing heavy as he ran and kneeled over the body. He checked Lydia’s pulse but she was gone. He forced himself not to cry and instead pulled his gun out to inspect the apartment. If someone came in to kill Lydia they must have wanted Seth to.
He searched the entire apartment but found nothing. He walked back into the living room and glanced at her body once more. He threw his fist into the wall and let out a scream. He was so angry. He would repress his sadness only to let it turn into anger. He was lost and confused. He didn’t know what to do. Before he could do anything he heard several footsteps come from the stairwell. He stood and listened. As he did the police ran into the room, first looking at him, then the body.
“Drop your weapon and get down to the ground!” One of the officers ordered, pointing a gun at Seth.
Seth pointed his weapon at the window and shot it, shattering the glass. The officers attempted to fire but before they could Seth had jumped out the window. One of them ran over and looked out, seeing that it was a long drop. The officer shook his head.
“He couldn’t have survived that fall.”
**
Seth’s eyes shot open. He sat up in bed and looked around the room. He had relived his memories once again in his sleep. He looked over to his nightstand and opened the draw, pulling out two pictures. He laid back down and looked at them both. One was the same one of his mother, the one he had kept for so long. The other was a picture of Lydia. He looked at them both for another moment then put them away. He stared up at the ceiling for some time. He was trying to get back to sleep when the alarm went off. He sighed and quickly dragged himself out of bed.
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